Why the Holidays Can Be Triggering for Trauma Survivors — and What to Do About It

Written By Ashley Wise

For many people the holidays are a time of warmth, traditions, and connection. But for trauma survivors they can also bring up painful memories, overwhelm, and complicated feelings that don’t match the “holiday cheer” everyone expects. If you or someone you love finds the approaching season to be more painful than joyful, you’re not alone, and there are practical ways to feel safer, calmer, and more in control.

Why Holidays Can Resurface Trauma

Family Gatherings and Relationship History

Family events are a common trigger because they bring you back into the emotional patterns, roles, and dynamics where past trauma happened. Being around people who were involved in or who remind you of past harm can bring up intense emotions and flashbacks. 

Sensory Overload

Holiday parties and public events mean bright lights, loud music, crowds, strong smells, and lots of unpredictable interaction — all of which can create the same hyper-arousal or hypervigilance that many trauma survivors experience. These sensory inputs can quickly push someone from “managed” to overwhelmed. 

Grief and Anniversaries

Holidays often bring reminders of losses. Whether it be people who are no longer at the table, birthdays, or anniversaries, both grief and complicated bereavement reactions may be rekindled. For people who have lost loved ones, or for whom the holidays mark the anniversary of a traumatic event, the season can act like a magnifier. 

The Pressure to “Be Happy” — and Why Emotional Complexity is Normal

There’s intense social pressure to look happy, post smiling photos, and insist everything is “perfect” — a pressure that’s amplified during the holidays. When your internal experience is painful, that pressure can feel like a second injury: “You’re not allowed to be sad, angry, or scared right now.” Mental health experts call this toxic positivity — insisting on positivity at the cost of authentic emotion — and it can be especially invalidating for someone with trauma. It’s important to name and reject that pressure: complicated emotions during the holidays are not only normal, they’re to be expected. 


Practical Grounding & Emotion-Regulation Tools (Ready to Use In The Moment)

Below are short, evidence-based skills commonly taught in trauma-informed therapy to help manage overwhelm. Try them when you notice your body tightening, your thoughts spiraling, or the urge to leave or shut down.

1) The 5–4–3–2–1 grounding exercise (sensory anchor). Identify: 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste (or one pleasant memory). This brings attention back to the present and interrupts panic or dissociation. It’s discreet and can be done anywhere. 

2) Simple breathing (physiological regulation). Try box breathing: inhale for 4 seconds — hold 4 — exhale 4 — hold 4. Slow, controlled breathing helps down-regulate the fight/flight response. Practice a few cycles when you’re calm so it’s accessible under stress. 

3) Grounding with an object (tactile anchor). Keep a small comforting object (a smooth stone, a textured keychain, a scented hand lotion) in your pocket. When you feel triggered, name the object, notice its texture, temperature, and weight, and describe it silently to yourself. This sensory focus helps tether you to the present. 

4) DBT distress-tolerance skills (short-term survival). Skills like distraction (briefly shifting attention to a safe task), self-soothe (using the five senses), and paced breathing are part of Dialectical Behavior Therapy’s toolbox for getting through intense moments. These aren’t long-term processing strategies; they help you stay safe long enough to use other coping or seek support. 

5) A grounding phrase or mantra. Create a short phrase such as “I am safe right now” or “This will pass” and repeat it slowly, with grounding breaths. Put it on your phone lock screen if it helps you recall it quickly.


Self-Awareness and Planning: The Antidote to Surprise

Reflect before you go- Ask yourself: “What situations are likely to trigger me?” (noisy crowds, certain relatives, alcohol, heated political talk, rooms that feel crowded). Planning ahead reduces the chance of being blindsided. 

Set and communicate boundaries- You can decide ahead of time how long you’ll stay, what topics you’ll avoid, and what you’ll say if a boundary is crossed. Short, firm scripts can help: e.g., “I’m not discussing that topic tonight” or “I need a five-minute break.” Practicing these lines makes them easier to use in the moment. 

Create escape plans- Identify a quiet room, a bathroom, or an outdoor space where you can take a breather. If driving to an event, have your car as a safe place to do a grounding exercise for a few minutes. Knowing your exit helps you stay present because the risk of being trapped feels lower. 

Limit substance use- Alcohol and other substances can lower inhibitions, increase reactivity, or blunt your ability to use coping skills. If you’re vulnerable, consider choosing alcohol-free options or limiting intake. SAMHSA and other public health sources highlight the link between substance use and holiday distress. 

When to Ask for Professional Support

If holiday triggers lead to frequent flashbacks, persistent dissociation, or new or returning problems with sleep, safety, or daily functioning, consider reaching out for professional help. Evidence-based trauma therapies — such as Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) or EMDR — can help reduce symptom severity and support long-term healing. If you’re in crisis, use your local emergency resources or national crisis lines (in the U.S., dialing 988 connects you to 24/7 help).

A Gentle Invitation

The holidays don’t have to be “all good” or “all bad.” They can be a mix: moments of joy, pockets of grief, and times when you need to protect your energy. If you or a loved one would like help planning for the season — identifying likely triggers, rehearsing grounding tools, or making a step-by-step safety plan — our Sarasota team is here to support you with trauma-informed, compassionate care.

If you want to talk with a therapist at The Mindful Therapy Studio about holiday planning or coping strategies, reach out to our office at office@mindfultherapystudio.com or here to request a brief consultation. You don’t have to carry the season alone.

References & Further Reading

Ashley Wise
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