Letting Go of Perfect: How Embracing ‘Good Enough’ Parenting Benefits Your Child’s Well-Being
Have you ever found yourself wondering, “Am I doing enough for my kids?” If so, you're not alone. Many mothers—especially those juggling careers, caring for their family, and managing things around the home—experienced the invisible weight of perfectionism. From food choices to sleep routines to how clean the house is, the pressure to get it all “right” can feel endless.
But research and therapeutic insight show that chasing perfection in parenting isn’t just exhausting—it may actually hinder your child’s emotional development. Embracing the idea of being a “good enough” parent can help ease your stress and foster healthier, more connected relationships with your children.
A Day in the Life: Springtime in Florida, Real Mom Edition
It’s a warm spring morning in Florida. The kids are up early, and you’re already behind. Your 4-year-old calls out from the other room declaring that his socks are too big, and your toddler is crying because the bath you just ran for them was “too wet”. 🙃 You reheat your coffee for the third time while mentally tracking sleep totals from the night before: Was six hours enough? Should I have taken her back to sleep in her own bed?
The family rushes through breakfast as your mind continues to race with anxious thoughts. We’re out of the “healthy” cereal again. This one has too much sugar. Are food dyes impacting his behavior? You turn on a cartoon- just to distract them enough to get shoes on everyone. More anxious thoughts creep in: They’ve had way too much screen time this week.
It’s not even 8am, and your brain is already on overdrive, and from experience, you don’t expect it to slow down anytime soon. On the drive to daycare, you wonder:
Did I sign the permission slip for her field trip yet?
Is his carseat adjusted correctly after his recent growth spurt?
Today is the 12th… didn’t someone have an appointment today?
Once at work, you try to settle in and focus, but the spiral continues: Do they have enough friends? Is it too late to sign up for swimming lessons in June? Is our schedule getting too busy, or will the kids be bored all summer if we don’t sign up for all the things ?
You’re feeling exhausted and overstimulated after a long workday, and when you arrive home ylou're too tired to do much more than order takeout—again. The house is messy, there’s laundry in piles, and the kids are arguing. You wonder: Am I present enough? Do they know they can talk to me? Did I tell them I loveL them today?
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and you’re not failing.
The Myth of the Perfect Parent
The pressure to be perfect can be traced back to cultural, social, and even generational expectations. From Instagram highlight reels to parenting blogs, the idea that others are meeting this invisible (and often unattainable) standard is everywhere. We then believe that we should be able to, too, and guilt and shame set in.
But what if I told you that perfection isn’t the goal? It never has to be. 💗
What Is ‘Good Enough’ Parenting?
The idea of “good enough” parenting was first introduced by British psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott. His research emphasized that children do not need perfect parents. Instead, they benefit most from caregivers who are generally attuned, responsive, and emotionally available—while also making and repairing inevitable mistakes (Winnicott, 1953).
What is “Good enough”?:
Showing up consistently—not flawlessly
Allowing your child to experience frustration and helping them develop problem-solving skills
Prioritizing connecting with your child over control or performance
Understanding that when we inevitably mess up with our kids, we can repair. This helps them build resilience, as well as the understanding that no one is perfect They then learn that since perfection is not realistic, doing their best is always enough.
Why Striving for Perfectionism Can Harm Parenting
Trying to do everything “right” may be rooted in love, but it often leads to chronic stress and emotional exhaustion. Research shows that parental perfectionism is linked to higher levels of anxiety and depression, and lower emotional availability (Flett & Hewitt, 2002).
Common side effects of perfectionist parenting include:
Burnout and irritability
Difficulty being emotionally present
Modeling unrealistic expectations for children
Missed opportunities for bonding and emotional repair
How ‘Good Enough’ Parenting Supports Healthy Development
Embracing imperfection isn’t about settling—it’s about creating space for connection and growth.
✅ Builds emotional regulation
Children learn to manage disappointment and distress by seeing how you calmly handle hard moments.
✅ Strengthens secure attachment
Consistent, emotionally responsive parenting lays the foundation for trust—even when the day isn’t perfect.
✅ Supports independence and resilience
When parents step back from fixing everything, kids gain confidence in their own problem-solving abilities.
✅ Teaches self-compassion
By modeling self-kindness, you show your child that mistakes are a part of life—not something to fear or hide.
Letting Go Through Therapeutic Support
For many parents, the pressure to be perfect is not just a mindset—it’s a survival strategy shaped by past experiences, trauma, or high internal expectations.
Therapeutic tools like:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help reframe black-and-white thinking (e.g., “If I’m not doing it all, I’m failing.”)
Mindfulness practices encourage staying present in the moment rather than being stuck in past regrets or future fears
Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) and Hypnotherapy can help process unresolved experiences that trigger anxiety or feelings of inadequacy in parenting
So, this Mother’s Day Weekend, celebrate all that you are doing for your kids. Be mindful of your thoughts and self-talk. As the sink fills with dishes after breakfast, take a few deep breaths. Instead of rushing to clean up the kitchen and get everyone dressed and ready for the day, continue to sip that hot coffee while you laugh and play with your kids. Parenting doesn’t require perfection. It requires presence, repair, and compassion—both for your child and yourself. You are enough.
Reflection Questions
If perfectionism is adding to your stress, it might be time to pause and check in:
What are the standards I’m holding myself to as a parent?
Are these expectations based on what my family needs, or someone else’s idea of what “should” be?
How is my attempt to be perfect affecting my stress—and my family’s atmosphere?
What healthy coping tools did I try last month during Stress Awareness Month, and which ones can I keep using now?
—>Try this affirmation:
“I don’t need to be perfect to be deeply connected to my child.”
Your child doesn’t need a picture-perfect parent—they need a present one. Embracing “good enough” parenting doesn’t mean lowering your standards. It means shifting them to prioritize what actually matters: connection, emotional safety, and trust.
You are doing more than enough, even on the days that don’t feel like it. 💝
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